Online Book Club: The Headgate Week 2

The Headgate Week 2: Create a House of Order


I was supposed to post this on Friday, but I have had a really crazy week last week so I'm sorry I am just now getting around to posting.

In my last post on The Headgate, I talked about how important it is to create the right learning environment for our children.  When the environment is right children are naturally drawn to learning, and to the best things that offer the most growth.  Today, I am going to write about the first step to creating that environment, and that step is creating a house of Order.  

"The reason that a house of order is essential to the child's education is simply that it gives them a great sense of security.  When a child feels secure, he is free to move on to bigger and better things---like learning.  When a child feels insecure, they tend to worry....it [worrying] manifests itself in the form of slowed progression." p.5

The Tibbets' give us 3 important steps to create a house of order.  They are:  

~Order in the relationships

~Order in appearance

~Order in the schedule

Order in relationships-  The Tibbets' tell us that when each member of the family properly fulfills their individual role in the family then the children feel more secure and their minds are free to progress.

Boys looks up to their father's as the example to follow.  As a young boy sees his father fulfilling his role as the provider and protector of the family, "that little boy flourishes in his desire to be just like father."  He knows that one day he too will provide for a family, and seeing the joy and fulfillment that his father has gives him a sense of well being knowing that that is what he can prepare for.  
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Girls, likewise, look to their mothers as their example.  And just like the boys, the girls feel secure to the degree that their mother is happy in her role as a wife and mother.  "A young girl...recognizes very early on in life, whether or not her mother is happy and fulfilled in her role.  If she does see this happiness, she will want to model mother more fully than if she sees discontentment, unfulfilled needs and desires, and overstress." (p.5)


This was very eye opening to me.  As I thought about this I asked myself whether my children knew that I love being a wife and mother?    Do they see that I get fulfillment in my role as a wife and mother in the way I act toward my husband and toward them or do I appear over stressed and discontent?  
 
It is not surprising that boys look up to and mode their fathers nor is it surprising that girls look up to and mode their mothers.  It makes sense to me that they naturally want to be happy and as they see their parents finding fulfillment in their roles as husbands and wives and as parents they would naturally want to follow in that direction.   On the other hand if their parents seem unhappy and unfilfilled they are going to look for fulfillment outside of family roles for happiness.


The Headgate says that the woman in the home thrives in her role as she fulfills her feminine responsibilities and that the man can excel in his roles as he fulfills his masculine responsibilities.  They are partners, but each fulfilling a different role.  They are each also happier and are able to fulfill their own responsibilities better the less they feel they have to fulfill the responsibilities of their spouse. 

"What appears to be "teamwork" in a happy home, is truly nothing more than two very different experts working two very different kinds of magic in very different ways.  Yet each type is so fulfilling to the other that order and harmony abide.  And amidst this order and harmony little children thrive."

This goes right along with what the The Family: A proclamation to the World says,

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.  Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.  In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners."

By divine design God made fathers to preside and Mothers to nurture.  Children recognize this instinctively and feel secure when the parents fulfill these roles.


Likewise, children feel more secure when they understand their role as the child.  They feel secure in the fact that their parents are the parents and they are the child.  The Tibbets' tell us that "Children need to know this order, just as much as they need to know that they are loved."
When children do not have clear boundaries and understand the proper role of the parents they are constantly testing the boundaries.  They feel secure when they know what the boundaries are and if they don't know what they are, they keep testing and pushing trying to find that boundary.  Knowing the boundaries and their role as the child makes them feel secure.  "When children have learned how to obey, with no negotiation or arguing, yet another layer of security envelops them and they become prepared to move on through their phases of development..."


Order in the appearance

--"When a home is neat, orderly, and beautiful the children feel an added measure of order in their thoughts.  The home need not be perfect or large or expensively decorated.  But if ti is neat and orderly and beautiful the children will feel another level of security and joy that will strengthen their foundation."

This is so true. I know I don't feel like doing anything productive when the house is a mess so why would my children. This is one of the reasons that we clean first thing in the mornings, so we can start our day off with a clean house. Once the house is clean our minds are free to move on to learning.


Order in the schedule  

"When there is order in the schedule, children feel yet another depth of security because they can relax knowing what is coming in the day, and also knowing that what is coming is fulfilling all of their greatest needs.  The schedule need not be perfect, nor to strict, nor anything resembling a military regiment.  It only needs to be productive and reliable."

When my oldest children where little I was very good about sticking to a regular schedule.  It has just been in the last couple of years that I have let our schedule relax.  Upon rereading this article I noticed that that was something I needed to go back to.  Our days are very similar, but I felt like I really needed to go back to a little more scheduled day.  About 3 weeks ago now, I started back on a more regular schedule and it, along with our new family work, (which I will talk about more in my next post) has really made a significant difference in our home.  Our schedule is fairly simple.  I have tried more rigid schedules before, but I find that if it is too rigid, I get more concerned with getting things done and adhering to the schedule then I do about living my life.

Here is our schedule:
6:30 I get up and read scriptures, get dressed
7:15 get older kids up, they get dressed and clean rooms while I make breakfast
7:45 get little kids up
8:00 eat breakfast
8:30 do individual chores
9:15 family work
10:30 snack
10:45 Story Time
12:00 Lunch
Afternoon study/Free time
5:30 Dinner
8:00 story time, scriptures
8:30 Little kids bed
9:00 Big kids bed
I work out and them go to bed. 

"When a schedule is dependable, the children can expect that certain things will happen during certain times of the day.  This is simple, but extremely effective in bringing order to the home and security to the children"(p.9)

My next post will be on Step 2: Require Work