Online Book Club: The Headgate, Require Work

The Headgate, (click here to read)
Step 2:  Require Work

by Brian and Keri Tibbets

The Headgate tells us that the second step to creating an ideal learning environment is to require work.  

"The main reason for requiring work of our children is that it develops a strong self-discipline muscle that they may call upon whenever they need it to accomplish something difficult.  When our children get inspired by great books, and are old enough to begin reading, they will need a well toned self-discipline muscle in order to see them through the hard part before the reward comes.  If they have not developed this through hard work, they may think that reading is just too hard for what it is worth to them...even if it is of great worth to them."(p.9)

Work and education go hand in hand.  Working hard gives children the self-discipline and confidence they need to educate themselves.  Learning to do something new, developing a talent, and gaining an education aren't easy things to do.  Learning is hard work.  Mortimer Adler address this in his essay An Invitation to the Pain of Learning.  He says, 

  "One of the reasons why the education given by our schools is so frothy and vapid is that the American people generally-the parent even more than the teacher-wish childhood to be unspoiled by pain.  Childhood must be a period of delight, of gay indulgence in impulses. It must be given every avenue for unimpeded expression, which of course is pleasant; and it must not be made to suffer the impositions of discipline or the exactions of duty, which of course are painful. Childhood must be filled with as much play and as little work as possible. What cannot be accomplished educationally through elaborate schemes devised to make learning an exciting game must, of necessity, be forgone. Heaven forbid that learning should ever take on the character of a serious occupation-just as serious as earning money, and perhaps, much more laborious and painful... 

 "Anyone who has done any thinking, even a little bit, knows that it is painful. It is hard work-in fact the very hardest that human beings are ever called upon to do. It is fatiguing, not refreshing. If allowed to follow the path of least resistance, no one would ever think. To make boys and girls, or men and women, think-and through thinking really undergo the transformation of learning-educational agencies of every sort must work against the grain, not with it. Far from trying to make the whole process painless from beginning to end, we must promise them the pleasure of achievement as a reward to be reached only through travail.  (Invitation to the Pain of Learning, Mortimer J. Adler)

 Another reason they need to learn to work is so they can  take care of themselves when they leave my home.  Doing that will be so much easier if they have already learned how to work before they move out. All the education in the world means nothing if they can't provide for  and take care of themselves.  I think teaching my children to work is one of the greatest gifts I can give them.  
I just finished reading the autobiography of Booker T. Washington, entitled Up From Slavery.  He started an African-American college in the black-belt of the south, not long after the abolition of slavery.  At that time in the south the ex-slaves felt that manual labor was only for those who didn't have any education, once you had a little book knowledge working was beneath you.  Booker, however felt differently.  Along with providing his students an education he also taught them the importance of work.  In fact, each student that attended school was required to work.  They built their own buildings, started their own brick making industry, made and sold wagons, and raised crops and livestock.  He wanted his students to be useful, not just knowledgeable. He wanted them to take the knowledge they had learned and better not only themselves but also their communities.   He said that one of the saddest things he had ever seen was a  young-man, "who had attended some high school, sitting down in a one-room cabin, with grease on his clothing, filth all around him, and weeds in the yard and garden, engaged in studying a French grammar."

In his book Standing For Something, Gordon B. Hinckley lists teaching children to work as one of the ways to preserve the sacred institution of families.  He said,

"Children need to learn to work.  Ideally, they do this by working with their parents--washing dishes with them, mopping floors, mowing lawns, pruning tress and shrubbery, painting and fixing up and cleaning up and doing a hundred other things whereby they learn that labor is the price of cleanliness, progress, and prosperity.  Overindulging children only wreaks havoc.  Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money.  Hundreds of thousands of youth in this land are growing up with the idea that the way to get something is to steal it." (Gordon B. Hinckley,  Standing for Something, pp. 188-189)

About a month ago, I started with my children, what I call "family work hour".  In the morning, after everyone has done their individual chores, we work together for 1 hour deep cleaning a room.  We wash walls, wash windows, move and vacuum under the furniture, and even clean the base boards.  I can't believe how that one hour of hard work has improved our school days.  Everyone is happier, they get alone better with each other, and guess what, they have been reading  more.  

Gordon B. Hinckley also said this about work,

 "Only through labor do nations become stronger, cities more attractive, families more tightly knit, and lives more robust."(Gordan B. Hinckley, Standing For Something, p.95)

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Online Book Club: The Headgate Week 2

The Headgate Week 2: Create a House of Order


I was supposed to post this on Friday, but I have had a really crazy week last week so I'm sorry I am just now getting around to posting.

In my last post on The Headgate, I talked about how important it is to create the right learning environment for our children.  When the environment is right children are naturally drawn to learning, and to the best things that offer the most growth.  Today, I am going to write about the first step to creating that environment, and that step is creating a house of Order.  

"The reason that a house of order is essential to the child's education is simply that it gives them a great sense of security.  When a child feels secure, he is free to move on to bigger and better things---like learning.  When a child feels insecure, they tend to worry....it [worrying] manifests itself in the form of slowed progression." p.5

The Tibbets' give us 3 important steps to create a house of order.  They are:  

~Order in the relationships

~Order in appearance

~Order in the schedule

Order in relationships-  The Tibbets' tell us that when each member of the family properly fulfills their individual role in the family then the children feel more secure and their minds are free to progress.

Boys looks up to their father's as the example to follow.  As a young boy sees his father fulfilling his role as the provider and protector of the family, "that little boy flourishes in his desire to be just like father."  He knows that one day he too will provide for a family, and seeing the joy and fulfillment that his father has gives him a sense of well being knowing that that is what he can prepare for.  
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Girls, likewise, look to their mothers as their example.  And just like the boys, the girls feel secure to the degree that their mother is happy in her role as a wife and mother.  "A young girl...recognizes very early on in life, whether or not her mother is happy and fulfilled in her role.  If she does see this happiness, she will want to model mother more fully than if she sees discontentment, unfulfilled needs and desires, and overstress." (p.5)


This was very eye opening to me.  As I thought about this I asked myself whether my children knew that I love being a wife and mother?    Do they see that I get fulfillment in my role as a wife and mother in the way I act toward my husband and toward them or do I appear over stressed and discontent?  
 
It is not surprising that boys look up to and mode their fathers nor is it surprising that girls look up to and mode their mothers.  It makes sense to me that they naturally want to be happy and as they see their parents finding fulfillment in their roles as husbands and wives and as parents they would naturally want to follow in that direction.   On the other hand if their parents seem unhappy and unfilfilled they are going to look for fulfillment outside of family roles for happiness.


The Headgate says that the woman in the home thrives in her role as she fulfills her feminine responsibilities and that the man can excel in his roles as he fulfills his masculine responsibilities.  They are partners, but each fulfilling a different role.  They are each also happier and are able to fulfill their own responsibilities better the less they feel they have to fulfill the responsibilities of their spouse. 

"What appears to be "teamwork" in a happy home, is truly nothing more than two very different experts working two very different kinds of magic in very different ways.  Yet each type is so fulfilling to the other that order and harmony abide.  And amidst this order and harmony little children thrive."

This goes right along with what the The Family: A proclamation to the World says,

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.  Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.  In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners."

By divine design God made fathers to preside and Mothers to nurture.  Children recognize this instinctively and feel secure when the parents fulfill these roles.


Likewise, children feel more secure when they understand their role as the child.  They feel secure in the fact that their parents are the parents and they are the child.  The Tibbets' tell us that "Children need to know this order, just as much as they need to know that they are loved."
When children do not have clear boundaries and understand the proper role of the parents they are constantly testing the boundaries.  They feel secure when they know what the boundaries are and if they don't know what they are, they keep testing and pushing trying to find that boundary.  Knowing the boundaries and their role as the child makes them feel secure.  "When children have learned how to obey, with no negotiation or arguing, yet another layer of security envelops them and they become prepared to move on through their phases of development..."


Order in the appearance

--"When a home is neat, orderly, and beautiful the children feel an added measure of order in their thoughts.  The home need not be perfect or large or expensively decorated.  But if ti is neat and orderly and beautiful the children will feel another level of security and joy that will strengthen their foundation."

This is so true. I know I don't feel like doing anything productive when the house is a mess so why would my children. This is one of the reasons that we clean first thing in the mornings, so we can start our day off with a clean house. Once the house is clean our minds are free to move on to learning.


Order in the schedule  

"When there is order in the schedule, children feel yet another depth of security because they can relax knowing what is coming in the day, and also knowing that what is coming is fulfilling all of their greatest needs.  The schedule need not be perfect, nor to strict, nor anything resembling a military regiment.  It only needs to be productive and reliable."

When my oldest children where little I was very good about sticking to a regular schedule.  It has just been in the last couple of years that I have let our schedule relax.  Upon rereading this article I noticed that that was something I needed to go back to.  Our days are very similar, but I felt like I really needed to go back to a little more scheduled day.  About 3 weeks ago now, I started back on a more regular schedule and it, along with our new family work, (which I will talk about more in my next post) has really made a significant difference in our home.  Our schedule is fairly simple.  I have tried more rigid schedules before, but I find that if it is too rigid, I get more concerned with getting things done and adhering to the schedule then I do about living my life.

Here is our schedule:
6:30 I get up and read scriptures, get dressed
7:15 get older kids up, they get dressed and clean rooms while I make breakfast
7:45 get little kids up
8:00 eat breakfast
8:30 do individual chores
9:15 family work
10:30 snack
10:45 Story Time
12:00 Lunch
Afternoon study/Free time
5:30 Dinner
8:00 story time, scriptures
8:30 Little kids bed
9:00 Big kids bed
I work out and them go to bed. 

"When a schedule is dependable, the children can expect that certain things will happen during certain times of the day.  This is simple, but extremely effective in bringing order to the home and security to the children"(p.9)

My next post will be on Step 2: Require Work

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Online Book Club: The Headgate Week 1

I'm so excited to be participating in my good friend Rebekah's online book club. This month we are reading and writing about the e-book The Headgate by Brian and Keri Tibbets. (Click here to read.)

The Headgate: Week 1: Preface, Introduction, and Step 1: A House of Order

I was first introduced to the e-book The Headgate about a year ago by several of my favorite bloggers. There was such an online conversation going on about it that I was anxious to get a copy of it and read it for myself. When I first read it I was so inspired by the principles that it contained. Throughout this past year, I have tried to implement many of the principles talked about in the book, and I have seen amazing changes in my children and our home atmosphere because of those changes. I'm excited to be re-reading and studying the book again. By rereading it a year later, I see that there are a few key things that I had forgotten about and several things that had just fallen by the wayside, because, really, who can implement something new and get it all perfect right away.

This week as I was reading, I was struck once again with how critical it is for parents to create an environment in their homes that is conducive to learning. The Tibbets' tell us that if our home environment is right it allows our children's hearts and minds to be "free to fall in love with the most valuable and refined things this world has to offer... great books."  They also tell us however, that if the environment is wrong, "they will not recognize great books as appetizing, because their senses will be dulled."

This has been so powerful to me as I have thought about it and sought to create this kind of enviornment in my home over the past year.  The Tibbets' tell us that a child's senses were "created to guide them to the most nourishing activities, that would build and develop them into the best they can become."  They also state that children are "naturally attracted to the most nourishing and staifsying, the most gourmet and refined, the most heavenly and enriching, because these things inherently provied the most growth."

Isn't that truley amazing?  Our children are naturally drawn to those things that are the best things.  We don't have to force it on them.  They also come into the world and into our homes with a love for learning, and  a willingness to educate themselves in the best things if ,the conditions and the enviornment are right.

The Tibbets' tell us though, that their senses "can become dulled through entertainment and overstimulation, they then need greater and greater stimulation all the time if they are to feel anything. It is in this way that the delecate system of the sensory is misused rather than used."

A recent survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation said that the average 8-18 year old, spends an average of 7.5 hours per day with media. Those numbers do not reflect time spent using media at school or for homework. It also doesn't include using cell phones for talking or texting, which would include another 2 hours a day.  Their study states that almost two-thirds of young people indicated that their TV was usually on during meals, and nearly one half (45%) said that the TV was left on “most of the time” in their home, even if no one was watching.  And, most youth today, say they have no rules about how much time they can spend with TV, video games, or computers.

Dr. Kim John Payne, in his book Simplicity Parenting says that he is seeing and treating, more and more children from average American homes, for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTS).  The same disorder that he was treating children for in refugee camps in war torn countries.  He indicates the PTS symtoms these children are showing are stemming from being over stimulated all of the time, most of that stimulation coming from excessive media. He even gave these children a new diagnosis called Cumulative Stress Reaction (CSR).

Is that really surprising?  That children are spending on the average 7 1/2 hours a day, the equivalent of a full time job, being stimulated and entertained by media, and that it is causing them to be overstimulated?

It seems as though we as a society have to be stimulated and entertained all the time. We can't go for a drive without listening to the radio or popping in a DVD for the kids.  As soon as we come in the door of our homes we turn on the t.v. and check the computer.  We have our ipods on constantly and  for family time together we watch movies and play the Wii. 

How are children supposed to be creative, think deeply about great ideas, develop their talents, and even hear the spirit if they are being constantly entertained? 

The Headgate tells us that children exercise no self-discipline on how they spend their free time, but will spend their time doing what their heart desires.  They most often will choose to do what will give them the most thrill for the least amount of effort.  That is why creating the right enviornment  for your children is so important.  Children can't create their own enviornment.  The parents must do it.  


The Headgate gives us the steps to follow to create the right kind of envirnment for our children to thrive in. 

Because, my post is so long this time I will start next week's post with Step 1:  A House of order.

Next week:  Step 1: A House of Order

Step 2:  Require Work

Setp 3:  Inspire Daily

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Living Books Vs. Mind Candy and a Book List

“Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested…”--Sir Francis Bacon

My family has been after me for ages write up a list of great kids books.  I have put it off for so long because the amount of work I thought it would be.  Today while thinking about making a list once again, I had a great idea, to write up a list and then add to it whenever I remember or read another great book.  So that is what I have done.  I will leave a link at the top of the page with the book list, and I will continue to add to it, so check back.

First, before you read my book list I want to explain why I have chosen the books I have.  I have, in the past few years learned that all books are not created equal.  Some books are like wholesome food that nourish your soul and help you to grow.  Charolett Mason calls these books living books.  Other books are like junk food for your soul, there is no real substance to them and your soul is left feeling hungry for something better.  BFF Amy and I call these books mind candy. 

Just as we would never feed our children a diet of junk food, so we shouldn’t feed their souls a diet of junk food either.  Their characters and their souls are being shaped by what we feed to them through books. 

Victor B. Cline said, “Nutritionists tell us we are what we eat.  Similarly the quality and character of our spirit is a reflection of what we feast upon—Including the books and magazines we read and the motion pictures, television shows, plays, and other public entertainment we witness.” (emphasis added Ensign, April, 1984)

The books on my book list are books I consider to be living books, or the best books.  The quality of the books you read to your children is much more important then the quantity of books you read to them, not only in shaping who they are, but also in creating in them a desire to read themselves. Reading mind candy to your children won't inspire a love of reading like reading living books to them will.  Living books satisfy a hunger in your soul in a way that mind candy never can.

How do you tell the difference between living books and mind candy?

Living books:

*can be enjoyed by the whole family/not age specific 

*bring your imagination to life

*are filled with wonderful life lessons

*feed and nourish your soul

*leave you longing for more when the book ends

*are remembered long after you have read it

*are books you want to read again and again and each time you read it you learn something new.

* teach morals and values. 

*are well written and often include beautiful language and imagery

*teach truth

Some examples include:  The Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, The Little House on the Prairie Series, The Chronicles of Narnia Series

Mind Candy is the opposite of living books.

Mind Candy:

*is usually a fad book, meaning it won’t stand the test of time, popular one day and then forgotten,

*is just entertainment

*doesn’t really include any morals/values or life lessons, in fact…

*the lines between good/bad may be blurred

*Doesn't require you to use your imagination much

*not something you want to read over and over

*may be targeted for a specific age/ not something the whole family can enjoy together 

Some examples include:  Captain Underpants Series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, Most books featuring the latest popular TV character like Dora, or Barney

Where can you find living books?  A good place to start is with a list of classics.  They have already stood the test of time, usually with good reason.  However, the only true way to know if a book is a living book or mind candy is to read it.  You can usually tell in the first chapter or so if it has any real substance or not.  If it doesn’t, don’t waste your time reading it, put it down and pick up something else.  Don’t feel obligated to read the whole book simply because you started it.

If you are not sure if a book is a living book, or not, compare it to one of your favorite books that you know is a living book.  What do you like about the living book?  Does the book in question have the same characteristics as the living book?  Is it on the same level as far as language and imagery goes?  Does it promote the same kinds of lessons and values?   I have cleared a lot of books off of my book shelf by comparing them in this way. 

In assessing any book ask yourself questions like:  What is the purpose of this book?  Is the purpose simply to entertain me or does it teaching me something?  If it is teaching me something, what is it teaching me?  Did I enjoy it enough to read it again?   If I read it again will I learn anything the second time around?  Ask yourself these questions about the books you are reading to your children as well. 

The more you read living books the easier it is to recognize the difference between a truly great, living book and a book that is simply mind candy.

Click the "Book List" tab  at the top of the page to see my recommend list of books  click here

For a more in-depth view of how I decide what to read and study read my blog post here.

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Lest We Forget Our Home's With God

We sang a song in Relief Society yesterday called Come Home.  I had never heard it before.   It was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.  The women of our stake are going to sing it for stake conference.  I can't wait.  It's going to be awesome.  (You can print out the music here.)  I was lucky enough to find a recording of it on youtube.  

It reminded me that earth is not my home.  My real home is with God.  My time here is temporary, and God wants me to come home to him.

Why don't we think of Heaven more?  We should not only be thinking of it but longing for it.  I think we should be visualizing what Heaven will be like, and  by so doing it will increase our desire to return there.  Picture yourself in the most wonderful, beautiful place you can imagaine.  Imagine being with our Savior and feeling his love for you.  Imagine your family there, and how happy everyone is.   It's wonderful to think about.    Isn't it?  Beginning with the end in mind is one of the 7 habits of highly effective people.   We need to have a clear vision of where we want to go if we ever want to get there.  

Steven R. Covey says,

 "To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.  It means to know where you're going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction."  (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,  p. 98)

This is so true.  As I left church yesterday, and was thinking about this song, I started asking myself questions like, what things am I doing now that will keep me from returning home to my Father in Heaven?"  Am I spending all of my time and energy on the things of this world?"  What things about my life do I need to change?"  "What do I need to repent of?"
How different would our lives be if we kept a picture of Heaven always in our minds.   Would we try harder each day to do what matters most?

I love this from C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, 

"Hope is one of the Theological virtues.  This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.  It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is.  If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next.  The Apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who build up the Middle Ages, the English Evangelicals who abolished the Slave Trade, all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven.  It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.  Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in':  aim at earth and you will get neither.  ...In the same way, we shall never save civilisation as long as civilisation is our main object.  We must learn to want something else even more."

"...I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage.  I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside;  I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."  (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, Chap. 10)

Come Home
1. Come home, the Father calls.

Come home, my child, to me.

Come home.

The Holy Ghost will lead you to eternity.

Lest we forget our home’s with God,

This lovely earth, its seas, its sky

And all things beautiful and true

of Heav’nly Father testify.

2. Come home, the Savior calls.

Come home all who’ll obey.

Come home. The gospel guides

along the straight and narrow way.

3. Come home, loved voices call.

Come home where you belong.

Come home to live in joy

forever in our fam’ly throng.

Words by Penelope Moody Allen

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"Despicable Me" Despicable, or Just Despicable Me?

Often times I have to write things down in order to sort out my thoughts.  That's what this post is.  Here goes. (deep breath)  
I bought the movie Despicable Me for my children for Christmas.  I hadn't seen the movie, but based on all the rave reviews it was getting, I purchased it. (I think I need about 3 more posts to talk about how I feel about movies and television right now, and another 3 posts to explore why I bought another movie, after the way I feel about movies and television right now.  Complicated, I know)  I really knew absolutely nothing about the movie before watching it.  I should have researched the movie online before buying it, but I was Christmas shopping at Walmart, there it was, and now, here we are.  When I sat down to watch it with my children for the first time,  I quickly came to see that the main character who was a villain was also to be the hero of the movie.  Glamorizing the villain made me uncomfortable along with several other things (ie photo copying backsides). Three-quarters of the way through, I started to get sucked in to fact that Gru must not be bad because he loves the girls after all.  Still, at the end of the movie, I was really left thinking, "Is Gru good or bad, hero or villain?" "Did he reform, did he think being a villain was wrong?"  I think if I was left with these questions it probably isn't any clearer for my children.  As I listened to my children over the next few days talk about the movie, I was getting the sense that they thought Gru was pretty funny, even when he was despicable, and they quite liked him. I don't want my children to look up to and admire a villain.

Because of some of my questions and concerns about the movie I thought I would look up some reviews online to see if anyone was left with some of the same questions as I was. I started with the Christian website reviews.  I thought surly that if anyone supported my concerns they would be the ones.  I was a bit surprised to see almost EVERYONE was endorsing it, and that no one addressed the main problem I had with it.


Focus on the Family's Plugged In review sums up their review like this,

"Despicable Me, the first effort from Universal's Illumination Entertainment, starts a little slow. And I think the few toilet gags on hand should have been left on the cutting room floor. But by the time Gru starts rethinking his villainous ways and contemplating whether life wouldn't be better with some childish wonder in it, I was hooked.

Then the joys of family win the day. And the reformed "bad guy" finds his greatest accomplishment in uniquely voicing love for his newly adopted clan. And I found myself nodding my head and wiping away a secretive tear right along with all the other kids and parents in my row at the theater. 

So does Despicable Me, with its comedic boo-and-hiss minion action, Steve Carell-voiced not-so-bad-guy and pint-sized adorable heroines, add more momentum to the smile-worthy animation trend? 

Hiss. … I mean, yes".

Okay, did I miss something in the movie?  I understand that in the beginning he was heartless and now he has a heart, but when did he "reform" from being a villain".  I don't remember the movie stating that he would no longer be participating in "evil" plots or that he wouldn't be breaking the law, or trying to become the world's most famous villain.  And does being a "not-so-bad guy", turn you into a good guy?  I don't think so.


This review I read on Amazon was interesting: 

"While not quite as wondrous or challenging as a Disney/Pixar film, "Despicable Me" is still a lot of fun, able to make audiences laugh without having to sacrifice story or character development. It's also one of the few animated films to not entertain the idea of heroes - it merely distinguishes between evil villains and not-so-evil villains, the latter apparently capable of good deeds despite their propensity for hatching diabolical schemes. Such a person is Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), who looks like a pointy-nosed Fester Addams and speaks in a pseudo-Russian accent so delightfully phony, it only adds to his charm. His goal has always been to become the world's greatest super villain, but as the film progresses, we realize that, underneath it all, he's actually a pretty nice guy.  

Does he have it within himself to be a dad and a super villain?"

So maybe I didn't miss something.  He still is a "super villain", he's just a "not-so-evil villain".  Okay, I get it now.  It's okay to be a villain, if there is a villain that is more evil then you are.  Maybe that is why it was also okay for Gru to blow up the carnival guy's stand over the unicorn doll.  It was okay because the Carnival man was more evil.  I'm glad I got that cleared up.  Now I can explain to my kids that it is okay to do something wrong as long as someone else is doing something more wrong then you are.  


I was surprised to find some more of the things that I disapproved of rationalized in a review by Christian Answers.net.

Neither Gru nor Vector are, of course, above stealing to further their own plans, but while one learns from this, the other does not.

“Despicable Me” is as entertaining, charming and funny as you would hope a family film to be.Steve Carell does his comic best, and the change in his character is done slowly and believably. An otherwise brief dive into potty humor does not dampen the end result: a fun film for the family, that should entertain all ages."

Well, because the producers thought it was okay, and it was out of place with the rest of the film maybe we can say, "It was good, all except that one part"  and enjoy the film, because after all, a little potty humor "does not dampen the end result."

And again, maybe I missed something, but when does it ever tell us that Gru learned that stealing was bad?  I don't remember him saying he felt bad for stealing, or that what he did was wrong.  Oh, maybe they mean that Vector learns that stealing is bad, because he stole the girl's from Gru and then ended up stranded on the moon dancing and slapping his butt.  That must be what they mean.  Well, then that means that Gru, our hero never learned that it was bad even though he is our hero- I mean our not-so-evil villain.  


 I asked my kids which person in the movie learned it was bad to steal.  They didn't know.  One of them said " aaaah Gru?", I asked him how he knew Gru learned stealing was wrong.  He couldn't tell me.  Then one of my children said that "it could have been Vector that learned stealing was wrong." 


I thought finding out more about the sequel would tell me whether Gru was a reformed villain or just a not-so-evil villain, so I googled the squeal next.  While I didn't find any specifics about what the next story would be about, a discussion on what people thought the next movie should be about led me to believe that others still consider him a villain, and would like him to remain that way..

"don't know what it should be about, but it would definitely  involve Gru being the villain, which he is supposed to be. :\"

"My first thought actually was the girls becoming villains and sort of taking on the villain mantel from Gru. But I guess as a children's movie Gru should become a nice person I just thought his change came a little too quick for me to believe he has reformed to a hero's life lol. Plus how cute would it be for Agnus to be a fluffy super villain!"

 "The girls are completely on board with their dad being a supervillain; they didn't question it once the entire movie. And reforming Gru ruins the whole dynamic that makes 'Despicable Me' work. Like I said below, he can be a good person without being a good guy. "

Clearly these people don't think Gru is, or even should be reformed.  If fact, some of them want the children to become villains along with him.  


I'll admit that while I was reading all of the rave reviews this movie got, I kept thinking, "what is my problem?  This movie must be fine, everyone thinks so.  I'm the only one with issues about it.  I must be off my rocker."   But, I could not rationalize away my thoughts about it.  


I decided to look up in Moroni where Moroni tells us how to distinguish whether something is good or whether something is bad.  Moroni 7:16 says:

"For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God."

As I read that scripture I picked up on something I had never picked up on before.  It says ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.  That struck me as significant.  If it was from God I wouldn't be wondering about it.  The confusion comes in when it isn't of God.  I thought of the movie we had watched the night before, "Faith Like Potatoes".  It was a great movie.  After watching it I wasn't left wondering if it was good or bad, if the characters where good or evil, or wondering what message it was teaching.  I came away from that movie with greater faith in miracles, a greater desire to be faithful, and an increased desire to share my testimony with others.  


I guess what this really comes down to for me is how blurred the lines between good and bad, right and wrong are in this movie.  Like one person said, "He can be a good person without being a good guy."  Really, is that true?  I don't think so, and I don't want my children to think that they are doing what is right if they are great parents and then are crooks in their businesses.  I think we need to stop thinking there is such a gray area between right and wrong.  Either something is of God or it isn't.  
Satan wants the lines between good and bad to be blurred.  He doesn't want us to see clearly that he is evil.  He can catch us more easily if we don't know the difference between the two.  What better way for kids to associate with the villain then to make the villain a hero.  Elizabeth Barrett Browning said, “The devil’s most devilish when respectable.”




I wouldn't mind having an open discussion about this movie.  Whether you disagree or agree with me feel free to leave me your comments.

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Pet Sins

As I mentioned in a earlier post, I recently read The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis.  What an interesting book.  It wasn't at all what I had expected.  It is the story of a man who has died, and gone to hell.  He doesn't like it there so he decides, along with several other people, to take the bus to Heaven, have a look around and decide if he would like it better there.  While he is just outside of Heaven deciding whether, to go or stay, he observes several people trying to make the same decision.  One person he encountered had a little red lizard on his shoulder that kept whispering things in his ear.  At first this man was uncomfortable with the things the lizard was saying, but after a time he began to smile.  An angel approached the man and asked he if he would like for him to make the lizard  be quiet.
"Of course I would," replied the man.
The angle told him he would have to kill the lizard.
"'You didn't say anything about killing him at first.  I hardly meant to bother you with anything so drastic as that.'"
The angel replied that it was the only way, and asked again if he might kill it.
The man replied that it was a matter that could be discussed later.
"There is no time, " said the angel, and asked again if he could kill it.
This time the man says that there really is no need for that, he is sure he can keep the lizard under control, and that he thinks, "the gradual process would be far better than killing it."
"The gradual process is of no use at all,"  says the angel.
The man says he will think it over for a while, and that he really isn't feeling well today, so it would be "most silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation.  Some other day, perhaps."
The angel tells him that there is no other day.
As the angel gets closer to the man the man yells at him to get back, "How can I tell you to kill it?" says the man, "you'd kill me if you did."
"It is not so."  replies the angel.
"Why , you're hurting me now."
"I never said it wouldn't hurt you.  I said it wouldn't kill you."
The angel continues to ask if he may kill the lizard, and each time the man makes some excuse of why it can't be done right now.

As I read this part of the story it reminded me of a man that called the Dr. Laura show for help with his pornography addiction.
Dr. Laura:  Hi, how can I help you?
Caller:  I'm calling because I'm addicted to pornography and I need some advice on how to get over this addiction.
Dr. Laura:  Stop looking at pornography.
Caller: Well, like I said, I'm addicted, so I know it is going to be a long process to stop looking at it.
Dr. Laura:  No it won't, just don't look at it anymore.
Caller:  Wow, that would be really hard to do.
Dr. Laura:  I never said it was going to be easy to stop, but you must decided that you are never going to look at pornography again and then never look at it again.
The man seemed disappointed.  He knew what he was doing was wrong or he wouldn't have called the show, but he wasn't prepared to really stop, just yet.  He didn't want to kill his addiction, he wanted the "gradual process" thinking the gradual process wouldn't hurt as much.

As I have thought about this, I've thought about how we all, me especially, have pet sins.  Sins that we keep with us because it would be too uncomfortable to let them go. They whisper in our ear the reasons we need to keep them, "it will be too hard to change,  right now isn't a good time, or we can gradually stop later."  This way of thinking is wrong.  There will never be the perfect time to let it go, it's never going to be easy, but sooner is always better then later.  

I love reading in the Book of Mormon where Aaron teaches King Lamoni's father the plan of salvation. King Lamoni's father has such pure and simple faith.  He asks Aaron what he needs to do to obtain eternal life.  Aaron tells him that he must bow down before God, repent of his sins, and believe.  King Lamoni's father does just what Aaron instructs.  He calls upon God and says, "I will give away all my sins to know thee" (Alma 22:18).  It's easy for me to say of course, I would give up all my sins to know God also, but it is a bit harder when I really sit and think about it.  Am I willing to give up a favorite t.v. show because it has inappropriate content, am I ready to give up my favorite radio station because most of the songs contain references to sex, am I willing to put aside time on the computer to read my scriptures, am I willing to kneel and pray next to my bed at night instead of laying down where it is more comfortable and warm.  The list goes on and on.

In the preface of The Great Divorce, C. S. Lewis says, "If we insist on keeping Hell (or even Earth) we shall not see Heaven:  if we accept Heaven we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate souvenirs of Hell."  Do we have"intimate souvenirs of Hell" and "pet sins" that we are holding onto, or are we like King Lamoni's Father, willing to give up all our sins to know God?

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